At the Spring 2024 BCLK event members and guests heard a panel of accomplished and talented women share their real-life experiences instilling confidence in their now young-adult children. Generously sponsored by Littler, the event highlighted unique strategies for nurturing self-confident kids.
Encouragement and Expectations at the Core of Confidence Building
Panelists emphasized the importance of encouragement, setting clear expectations with caregivers, and celebrating children's achievements regardless of the outcome.
- Encouragement: Constantly affirm children’s abilities and celebrate efforts, not just outcomes.
- Setting Expectations with Caregivers: Ensure that caregivers support your parenting style, especially in fostering independence and confidence in children. Sharing expectations with caregivers and family members ensures consistency.
- Verbal Affirmation: Regularly communicate positive reinforcement to build children's self-esteem.
- Presence: Work to be present for critical moments in children's lives, even if physically being there isn't always possible. When you can't be in person for important moments, maintain an open dialogue about them with kids. Asking questions and showing genuine interest that fosters conversation can substitute for physical presence in a pinch.
Dealing with Academic and Social Challenges
Panelists shared personal stories about guiding their children through various academic and social challenges, from school projects and extracurricular activities to navigating complex social dynamics.
- Allowing Autonomy in Projects: Let children handle their school projects and activities, even if the results are not perfect, to foster a sense of ownership and responsibility.
- Dealing with Social Dynamics: Teach children to navigate friendships and social challenges independently, providing guidance rather than solutions.
Supporting Kids Through Setbacks and Failures
When the conversation turned to handling setbacks and failures panelists offered stories of how they supported their children through tough times without solving their problems for them.
- Resilience Building: Share stories of personal or familial setbacks and how they were overcome, emphasizing the learning from each situation.
- Empathy and Understanding: Show empathy towards children’s feelings about setbacks, reinforcing that failure is a natural part of growth.
- Celebration of Effort: Focus on the effort and progress, not just success, to encourage perseverance.
Communicating with Caregivers and Teachers
Panelists highlighted the importance of communicating effectively with extended family, nannies, au pairs, and teachers to ensure that they align with the family's values and expectations for helping children develop problem-solving skills and resilience.
- Alignment of Values: Choose caregivers and educators who align with your family’s values, particularly around independence, problem-solving, and resilience.
- Clear Communication of Expectations: Explicitly communicate your expectations to caregivers regarding how they should engage with your children around homework, discipline, and problem-solving.
Personal Mistakes and Lessons Learned
The panelists candidly shared mistakes they made in their parenting journeys, offering these as lessons for others. Key takeaways included:
- Avoid Overemphasis on Perfection: Recognize that striving for perfection in every aspect of parenting and children's achievements is unrealistic and stressful.
- Focus on Raising Good Humans: Prioritize instilling values, kindness, and empathy over academic or extracurricular success.
- Learn from Mistakes: Share personal parenting mistakes as lessons for growth rather than sources of guilt or regret.
- Ask ‘does my kid care?’: Make sure you're focused on building confidence via the activities and achievements that are important to your children rather than those that just give you bragging rights.
Encouraging Words and Strategies for Future Parenting Challenges
The panelists concluded with some final words of encouragement for attendees. Their advice:
- Adaptability and Flexibility: Be willing to adapt parenting strategies as children grow and their needs change.
- Supporting Each Child's Uniqueness: Tailor your support and expectations to each child’s strengths, interests, and challenges.
- Building a Supportive Community: Lean on and contribute to a community of parents and professionals for support, advice, and shared experiences.
